Life is a negotiation. Even if it's with yourself.

Life is a negotiation. Even if it's with yourself.

Warning. I'm dishing dirt on my myself and this post is much more personal & revealing than I've been in the past.

Back in September, I turned 48. #virgomagic And while I love birthdays, no matter the number attached, this one was quite depressing. Why?

Because my life has slowly, consistently been veering more and more offtrack for years. My business, my finances, my health — mental health included, my relationships, and even my most sacred devotion — my creativity are all dysfunctional to varying degrees. Denying this any longer would only cause more self-inflicted damage. So I surrendered to the beautiful mess.

Traditionally, this realization is labeled a "midlife crisis", even though no trophy wives or sports cars were present. And I have embraced this somewhat archaic term, because that's exactly what it is — an existential crisis about who I've been and who I want to be for the rest of my life.

Midlife reckoning is part of the life cycle.

To avoid it is to deny your own wisdom. You've lived through some shit that does not line up with all you've been taught by your ego or the external world — no matter how smart, success, or loving you are. But when you do come out the other side, you will be a stronger, happier, more confident version of you. You'll have embraced all of you — not just the cherry-picked, socially-acceptable bits you spotlight on social media.

Rock, hard place, me.

So at 48, I made a commitment to myself.

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Why Beyoncé is the first artist of the new millennium.

Why Beyoncé is the first artist of the new millennium.

Beyoncé is completely in sync with, and yet miles ahead of, the rest of us.

Lemonade celebrates unvarnished truth. Lemonade sharpens the pain in order to plow right through itself. Lemonade distills heaven and hell — then comes out sanctified through that act of courage. 

True, deep self-expression is about standing in your truth and sharing it regardless of the outside world. Self-expression elevates itself into art when that personal truth strums a chord of universal truth — intentional or not.

When I watch Lemonade, I see an artist processing through her truth to find the sweetness that can outlive the bitter — hence the name Lemonade. And by sharing that process, authentically and unapologetically, she demonstrates that we are all called to do the same for ourselves.

Beyoncé embraces all the layers of her being — our comfort be damned. 

Her Blackness, her feminism, her southernness, being a wife, a mother, a daughter. She is a Queen redefining, in real time, what it means to be a Queen. Not for me (or other non-Black women), but for herself, her daughter, and Black women everywhere.

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If you're not showing up for your work, neither will anyone else.

If you're not showing up for your work, neither will anyone else.

If we don't show up unequivocally in our own creative vision, what reason is there for others to play along? None.

The creative and entrepreneurial worlds are littered with unfulfilled visions, abandoned brilliance, and countless examples of "what might have been". It's not because these poor unfortunate souls didn't have the cash flow, or the right connections, or the smartypants chops to make it happen.

It's because they didn't show up fully in their work, for their work, and because of their work.

So what does it really mean to "show up" for our work? Let's start by reminding ourselves what it is not:

  • Going through the motions in order to get to "done!"
  • Mimicking others (consciously or subconsciously) in any aspect of our work 
  • Aiming for acceptance or popularity or big bucks as the goal
  • Picture perfect from the outside, while half-assing in from the inside 
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Why I walked away from Facebook after 9 years.

Why I walked away from Facebook after 9 years.

If, after all these years, Facebook still gives you the warm fuzzies, stop reading. This post is not for you. 

However. If a love/hate relationship with Facebook has slowly creeped into your life, right under your nose, keep reading. You are not alone.

After announcing (back in January) that I was deleting my account, a not-so-insignificant-number of people reached out to share that:

  • They're heading that way themselves, they're just not ready yet.

  • They wished they could leave, but felt bound by their business commitments.

  • Said it was unhealthy for them too, but felt powerless to log off permanently. 

Each of those thoughts looped through my mind, too. Many, many, MANY times — for years — before I finally hit the ultimate delete button. #byebye #goodriddance

I'm offering you what I told myself: these are only stories. You can choose a new story at any time Easy? No. Necessary? Perhaps. Worth it? Totally. Wanna know that it'll be alright if you kick it, too? Need some reassurance that life (and business) does exist after Facebook, without Facebook? 

You will be more than alright. You'll be free. #crossmyheart

Here's how it unraveled for me. As an intuitive lady and a highly sensitive person (HSP), I had to first admit what I'd been resisting for a while — Facebook was interfering with my quality of life. Time on Facebook stirred up my anger, anxiety, insecurity, and fed directly into my depression. And of course, sucked my timebank dry.

The non-stop drama oozing from my timeline was like The 24/7 Ego Parade. The passive-aggressive doubletalk was like death (of a society) by a thousand cuts. Reading through my feed was like romping through the other people's psyches. #nothanks

When the FB energy smacked up against my energy, it was like a very un-delicious version of "hey, you got your peanut butter in my chocolate!"

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